In memory of Shane Torrence (1/28/93 - 9/11/99)
A mom on a mission raising awareness of the condition that took my only child at age 6 and a half - Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia CDH takes the lives of 15,000 children every year and harms 15,000 more.
Will you care?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


I've been working on Shane's scrapbooks for 10 years now. They are no where near done. I haven't had much time at all to work on them in the past 5 years but now, I'm trying to work on them + scrapbooks for B & G as well.

I took the weekend off of work and pulled out all the photos. Part of me feels so guilty for having so many photos when so many other grieving parents don't. And here they are stuck in boxes. Yeah, I have a lot of guilt about that but then when he was alive I felt guilty for having him then too. I was raised Catholic - guilt is built-in I think. So, with this all this guilt laid upon me to do something with these photos, I set off to organize them.

I saw a great idea on television for people who are overwhelmed with scrapbooking tasks (that would be ME!!!!!!!). You take a sheet cover for each event; birthday, holiday, vacation, whatever... and you seperate the photos for them and put them the sheet cover for that event. It works as a pocket to hold your photos, stickers, template ideas, etc for each event. So when you have time to scrapbook, you just grab a pocket (aka sheet cover) and get to work. If you feel more organized, you can be more productive - that is so true for me. So that's what I did all weekend. ALL weekend. And it's still not done. Because I started on Shane's and then went to all my photos for the past 10 years since he died - and they are a lot because I LOVE taking photos! Then I went through C's (hubby) box of photos and forced him to tell me what each one was so I could organize them. So now I have pockets for all of Shane's photos, my photos, C's photos and our albums together for the boys.

I even have pockets of C's wedding with the ex-wife because hey, that's part of his history and part of the boys... gotta include it all. Even though C thinks I'm strange for including that. But B & G didn't just magically appear when I came into their lives... they have another mom and dad and little sister, they have another step-mom (yes, I'm wife #3 - third time is a charm!). So their books should not be about what *I* like or want to see, it should be about their lives! It's about *them*. I am so excited to be doing books for all 3 of my boys. You all have no idea how happy stickers and photos can make a mom. :)

But going through Shane's photos can be hard. So many memories... I am so grateful for them, for every second. But they can haunt me too. They make me miss him even more, if that's even possible. Some days I am ok with looking at them, other days it still hurts all these years later. It took me 2 years after he died to look at his photos, to go through his things. He was my world for 6 and a half years. He's still a huge part of my heart and always will be. I'll always miss him and I'm ok with that now. I'm just so, so thankful that I had him and got to be his mom.

But his photos are what pushed me to start this blog. I want B & G to get to know him through me and through his photos and this blog. Even though they never met - they are brothers. It's bittersweet that they never met.... they never got to know each other... but then B & G are spared from grief and I am grateful for that.

So the scrapbooking journey begins.... I will probably post photos here of the pages and stories to go with them. I might post weekly or every 6 months. I have a very busy life so this blog is not on the top of my life of priorities. But when I have a quiet weekend here and there or an evening to myself to pull out the glue sticks and paper slicer... I'll post. To be honest, I don't think I want to finish Shane's scrapbook.... it will seem so final..... so this could take a long, long, long time.

And for all you scrapbookers out here... help a mom out please.... I need some templates for Sesame Street, skateboarding, hospitalizations, cherubs. And some more ideas for swimming / lake / beach.... how many beachball pages can one woman do?

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