In memory of Shane Torrence (1/28/93 - 9/11/99)
A mom on a mission raising awareness of the condition that took my only child at age 6 and a half - Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia CDH takes the lives of 15,000 children every year and harms 15,000 more.
Will you care?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Shane's Babies in the Sky Graphic

A huge, huge thank you to Maxton's mom, Ashley, for creating these graphics over at Babies in the Sky. She's done a lot of these for CDH parents and it's so special and sweet.

Ashley, thank you so, so much for including Shane. It truly means a lot to me!

Shane's 10th Angelversary

Shane would be 16 now... a Jr in High School. Getting ready for homecoming, begging to use the car, an after school job and playing on a baseball team. If life was fair.

Instead, here I am wish some family at the cemetery on the 10th anniversary of his death.

We do this every year on his birthday and anniversary. We, as in me, my mom and some of my nieces and nephews. Now C too. B & G are in school - we don't take them out of school in NC to go to VA with us on these days. I suppose when one of the days land on a weekend they'll go with us too.

We let balloons go - 10 - 1 for each year. 1 Sesame Street balloon and 9 yellow balloons. The weather so beautiful.... so much like it was the day of the funeral (after the rain stopped). Just enough wind to pick up the balloons and take them so high and the sky so clear we could watch and watch and watch them float. And they always seem to float together. It reminds me of what it must be like in heaven with all the cherubs flying around together. It was very peaceful to watch the balloons.

Thank you to my amazing hubby, C, who rearranged a family obligation to be there for me so I wouldnt' have to drive the almost 3 hours each way by myself (driving is so hard to do when you're crying). It helps so much to know I'm not alone and he's there with me. He's such a great husband to me and father to all 3 of our boys. I love him so very, very much.

And thanks to my incredibly MIL & FIL for picking up the boys from school for us. I am so, so blessed!

Thanks also to Jo Ann for always providing the helium for us for free every year at her floral shop - and the great hugs that go along with it. She's an angel. A member of my old VA church (when I lived there before Shane was born), a good, good Christian woman. She provided the 100 balloons for Shane's funeral. She's all always hold a special place in my heart for caring about us for all these years.

And to all of our friends and the members of CHERUBS for the over 100 e-mails, PMs, FB posts, calls, and cards..... thank you for remembering my son!!!!! I love you all dearly!

Friday, September 11, 2009

My Sons

Waiting for Craig to get home from dropping the boys off to school this morning so we can head to the cemetery... trying to get a few things done. It's always mass chaos in the morning in the big rush to get them up and fed and out the door to school without forgetting homework or lunches. There's no time for chit-chat.

But my sons remembered.....

G texts me that he's thinking of me and Shane and he loves us both.

Then B text me that he's thinking of Shane and me and he loves us both.

They never even got to meet Shane but they have accepted him as their big brother in heaven.

I am the luckiest mom in the world to have 3 such amazing, amazing sons.

I love you B & G and Shane, with all my heart.


9/11... when I tell people my son died on 9/11 they naturally assume it was 9/11/01 in the terror attacks. I have to explain CDH and tell them he died in 1999. Then usually about half of them ask if I'm sad that Shane shares his angel day with such a horrible event in our history. My answer is always no. I'm proud that my little hero shares a day with 1000's of other heroes. All people whose lives have affected the lives of others. And in a way, I mourn with the world today and the world mourns with me... shared grief for different reasons. Other mothers crying for their lost sons too. I wish none of us were grieving.

And I pray today for the families who lost loved ones and those who were hurt during 9/11. I can remember the day in detail. My ex-husband had just walked out weeks before, I was alone and devastated already. And then the 1st plane hit. The the 2nd and then the Pentagon, where a dear friend was working inside. She survived but her health was hit hard that day. She is a hero too. I'm thinking of you today, Judi.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

10 years ago

At this very moment 10 years ago you were sitting in your bean bag chair watching Sesame Street for the 10th time that day.

At this very moment 10 years ago I was working on CHERUBS stuff... what I'm still doing this evening now.

At this very moment 10 years ago you were hooked up to your feeding... an IV bag on gravity pull filled with formula that went to your Mic-Key button.

At this very moment 10 years ago you were holding your stuffed doll "baby" and making the kissy faces you made when you were full or tired.

At this very moment 10 years ago you looked up at me and smiled and my heart melted.

At this very moment 10 years ago I was still too innocent and naive to know how easy a life slips away. How no one is "chosen" to not be struck by tragedy. How sometimes miracles don't last forever. How death does mean losing someone for the rest of your life.... I had no concept of what that meant.

I do now.

I cannot believe you will be gone 10 years ago tomorrow. My life has never and will never be the same or as good as it would be with you here. A huge part of my heart will always be with you and I accept that now. But I still wish for you... I still wish it was all a bad dream and I'll wake up and you'll be beside me. My little boy. You were supposed to bury me. Not the other way around. Not how you left. Not when you had barely begun to live.

I miss you my son. There is not a single day that I don't miss you or think of you or want to hold you again. You were and always will be the greatest little boy a mom could ask for. Thank you for 6 and a half years of being loved by you and being your mommy.

I love you, Shane... always.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia on Facebook

There's a contest going on on Facebook right now.

The prize is a $50,000 grant for FB marketing - that equals up to over 14,000,000 Facebook ads raising CDH awareness.

There are no words to describe how badly CDH awareness is needed or what winning this contest would mean to the CDH community and CDH research.

CHERUBS is in 2nd place... a very, very close 2nd place. You can vote daily until the 20th.

If you have a minute, please vote in memory of Shane and for all the cherubs.