At this very moment 10 years ago you were sitting in your bean bag chair watching Sesame Street for the 10th time that day.
At this very moment 10 years ago I was working on CHERUBS stuff... what I'm still doing this evening now.
At this very moment 10 years ago you were hooked up to your feeding... an IV bag on gravity pull filled with formula that went to your Mic-Key button.
At this very moment 10 years ago you were holding your stuffed doll "baby" and making the kissy faces you made when you were full or tired.
At this very moment 10 years ago you looked up at me and smiled and my heart melted.
At this very moment 10 years ago I was still too innocent and naive to know how easy a life slips away. How no one is "chosen" to not be struck by tragedy. How sometimes miracles don't last forever. How death does mean losing someone for the rest of your life.... I had no concept of what that meant.
I do now.
I cannot believe you will be gone 10 years ago tomorrow. My life has never and will never be the same or as good as it would be with you here. A huge part of my heart will always be with you and I accept that now. But I still wish for you... I still wish it was all a bad dream and I'll wake up and you'll be beside me. My little boy. You were supposed to bury me. Not the other way around. Not how you left. Not when you had barely begun to live.
I miss you my son. There is not a single day that I don't miss you or think of you or want to hold you again. You were and always will be the greatest little boy a mom could ask for. Thank you for 6 and a half years of being loved by you and being your mommy.
I love you, Shane... always.