Christmas

This was the first Christmas my boys have spent in Virginia with my family - and the first time they went to the cemetary.     I've been with their dad for almost 3 years but it just never worked out for the boys to go to Virginia with us.   It was a good Christmas, we all had fun.

We actually had a white Christmas this year.

I wish I had gotten a family photo of all of us together at the cemetary.  Yes, I know that sounds morbid to some people - but it's all I have.

We buy toy trucks to put at the cometary.  It's still really hard every year.   Buying toys for the cemetary instead of toys for him.   I can't believe how much harder has gotten since I got married and now have B&G.  I thought it would be easier - now being able to buy presents and celebrate Christmas with my 2 new sons.... but it's harder.   Shane is still missing.   He's my son and my family and he should be here with us for Christmas and every other day.  

Merry Christmas, Shane...   I know the celebration you had up there is so much better than the ones we have down here but the selfish part of me still wishes you were here.   I love you.